How should I talk to my kids about Charlie Kirk's murder?

As parents, we often want to shelter our kids from the bad things in our world. And the temptation can be to hide them from our emotions and reaction to tragedies like this. But I push back on those thoughts and say, you, as parents, are absolutely the ones who should be talking to your kids about the hard things in our world, and it is absolutely okay for you to have emotions and feelings about the death of Charlie Kirk and for your children to see that. This is why.

1. God entrusted you to raise your children. Therefore, it is your job to frame their worldview, which should be framed based on the Word of God.  It’s your job to talk to them about the hard things from the perspective of Godliness. If you don’t talk to your kids, know that someone else will: school teachers, friends, social media, and oftentimes it will not be from a Christ-centered perspective. 

2. It is okay for your kids to see your hurt, anger, fear, and other emotions about this situation and observe how you handle these feelings. You mentor your children by modeling what to do in times like this. They need to see that you have real feeling about this terrible event and how you turn to Christ to help you walk through it. When you do this, you are teaching them the tools to handle hard things.

Here are some practical ways to walk with your children through this:

1. YOU start the conversation. Don’t wait for them to come to you. This is a challenging situation for them to process; you have to help them process it. You can do this by asking them questions: 

   1. “What do you think about _______?” 

   2. “What are kids at school saying about this?” 

   3. “What are your teachers saying about this?”

   4.  What kind of stuff have you seen on social media about this?” 

   5. “When you first hear about ______, what was your gut reaction?”

Listen to their answers and respond. If you are shocked by their answers, “I think he deserved it.” Be careful not to judge their answer immediately; if you do, they will shut down, and you will lose your opportunity to teach them through this moment. Instead, ask good follow-up questions to help them see another perspective.

2. Share your feelings about the situation. BE REAL. You don’t need to and shouldn’t sweep this under the rug. Bad things happen in the world, and we have real emotions in response. Model to them how to have these feelings and how to take them to the feet of Jesus. Show them how to invite the Lord into the dark time of life.

3. Pray together as a family. Even if you get eye rolls, pray out loud as a family. Open it up to the kids (even the little kids) to take a turn praying out loud. But both parents should absolutely pray out loud with the family about this situation. If this makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay; do it anyway. Your prayer doesn’t have to be perfect and eloquent; it just has to be from your heart. You are modeling to your kids that you don’t have to have all the right words to talk to God; he’s okay with you and any prayer you bring to him.

4. This is not a one-and-done conversation. Often, our kids might not have much to say during that first conversation; they are still processing it all. Be prepared to check in again, maybe the next day, and see if anything new has come up (a conversation, a media clip, their own feelings setting in, etc.). And always leave the conversation open; “If you think of anything else or have any questions, I’m here. I’m happy to talk anytime.”

As you walk with your kids through this horrific event, keep reminding them, and yourself, that God is present even when the world feels dark.